The Harmful Consequences of "Purity Culture"

TW: this could be triggering so read with caution, please.

I am doing a lot of reading, praying, thinking, as well as a lot of talking with young people, parents, and leaders around the globe these days. I am not a therapist or theologian, so these are my personal observations as someone who has been around a long time. I will not be discussing what we now call “purity culture”. That has been explained at length and there are many great resources out there. If you are not familiar with purity culture, please go and study it first before forming an opinion on what I am saying. “Purity culture” is not healthy teaching about purity. It is something different and unhealthy, something too often taught in churches. Again this is not about one particular church. It happens across the board.

Today, I am writing about the unexpected and often unintended consequences of that culture. It usually takes years for those to surface. I have only become aware myself recently, especially as young people raised in the church started speaking up. I simply want to raise awareness, so we can do better. If you wish to comment (don’t feel you have to), please be respectful. This is a sensitive subject and I don’t think anyone has had malicious intent. And yes, I include myself as a guilty party, in case you are wondering.

• Shame and guilt

Purity culture teaches young people that almost anything to do with their body or sexuality is bad. A young man raised in the church told me recently that he has felt guilty his whole life. That is a very sad thing to hear. It broke my heart. Some kids are especially sensitive, and too many rules can be particularly harmful. 

• Mental health issues

Anxiety, depression, eating disorders, OCD. Let me explain:

Children raised in purity culture become hyper-vigilant about doing the wrong thing or even thinking the wrong thing. They can find it very very hard to control their thoughts. They start fearing the wrath of God, going to hell, etc. Thoughts will come and the more anxious they become about not being able to control those, anxiety and OCD can set in. The more fixated one becomes on having “bad thoughts”, the more likely those thoughts will become intrusive and controlling. Believe me, I have talked to many young people who are completely paranoid about having impure thoughts. From my observation, there is a higher incidence of anxiety, depression, and OCD in children raised in the church than in children not raised in the church. I may be wrong but that is what I have observed. 

• Sex addiction

The hyper-focus on sex and modesty (part of purity culture which is not actually what the Bible talks about when it mentions modesty) creates a hyper-vigilant view of sex. The more someone is afraid of sinning by thinking about sex, the more they will think about it. But it is forbidden, so it remains hidden. That is when kids go online and develop unhealthy habits, watch harmful things, and sadly reproduce those behaviors on others. Hence way too many stories of kids assaulting kids. Those same kids grow up, and way too often, young people in the church develop a porn addiction. Sadly this can also lead to SA.

• Marriage problems

When a woman is seen as a sex object, it can lead to harmful behavior. Overnight, young people go from sex being viewed as forbidden and bad to suddenly being a free-for-all. Added to that the harmful effects of submission and couples being taught the wife has to always say yes. This can lead to abuse and even marital r**e. I have spoken with many young women who were traumatized in their marriages. This is a taboo subject I have never heard discussed but it is real and it is happening. 

 

Having read all this, you may say, “Well, not everyone”. That is true, and it is possible to be pure without developing harmful patterns. There is a healthy way to teach purity. That is God’s plan. “Purity culture” is not God’s plan. We can sometimes cause harm, even with good intentions. I am sharing what I have observed and learned over the years. It is a word of caution.