Now is the Time!

Over the last couple of years, significant efforts have been made to counsel and support victims of spiritual trauma. More and more Christian leaders study counseling and trauma therapy. There are many resources aimed at healing church trauma or trauma in general, recovering from abuse, etc. Some also try to manage the trauma response and coach victims on how to react. While some of those efforts are very helpful indeed, others can unfortunately come across as damage control or tone policing. 

What is sorely missing is training and coaching on how not to inflict trauma and not abuse people in the first place. In all my years of church leadership, I never heard a single lesson on the topic. And now that I am using my voice to address the elephant in the room, I am receiving a lot of support, but I also get labeled as being “too liberal”, “too progressive”, or more kindly I am told, “You are such an empath!”. Truth be told, I am not. If I were such an empath, I would have realized everything way sooner! 

What has happened to me is that I have heard countless stories of abuse in the church, testimonies that brought me to tears, heartbreaking accounts of trauma and the consequences of harmful leadership. Of course, many many leaders are kind, thoughtful, and sensitive. That does not negate the harm others do though. I am sometimes told to “be more positive”. I have been positive my whole life, sharing good news, stories of impact, etc. I cannot turn a blind eye to the fact that thousands have been harmed though. And now is the time to address the elephant in the room. 

Some of us have inflicted harm, wittingly or not, and we need to examine our leadership, take stock, listen, and repent. Yes, I am using the word repent. Once we listen to the stories of abuse, it doesn’t take a PhD in counseling to grasp the gravity of the situation. You don’t have to look far. There are podcasts, articles, YouTube channels, etc, dedicated to people’s experiences in the church. 

Others of us have been more careful leaders and have not inflicted as much harm, or if we did, we have changed our ways. That is very commendable however, now comes a higher calling. We cannot remain silent! Now is the time to speak up, confront, and hold others accountable. I am not talking about a witch hunt or being unkind. I am talking about about calling out harmful behavior and abusive practices. We cannot tiptoe around the issue. 

Leaders who yell at people, cover up abuse, weaponize mental illness as a way to shame people, harass others through damaging mentoring practices, create rules out of their desire to control, etc, should have no role in spiritual leadership unless they repent of their ways. And the same level of repentance should be expected of leaders as what we expect from regular members of the church. Over the years, I have heard countless sermons on the courage of Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, and many others. May I mention Jesus? We praise them from the pulpit for standing up to injustice and using their voice to confront oppression. They are held up as examples we should follow. So now is our turn! 

If you are reading this and you have inflicted harm through your leadership, please listen and pay attention. I have had many humbling moments in the last 40 years. 2003 was a game-changer for me. In the same way, the last four years have also opened my eyes and led me to change many aspects of my leadership. I have had to apologize to many people. Sometimes the harm goes back 30 years, sometimes it is more recent. The tough part is when you think you have changed, and people point out that maybe you still have some repenting to do. Let us remember repentance is refreshing and healing for everyone involved, and it is an ongoing process. 

If you are reading this and you are one of the “good guys”, then I appeal to you to not remain silent. Educate yourself, listen to the stories, and do not bury your head in the sand. There is too much at stake. As I have stated before (and no, I am not exaggerating), thousands of young people are leaving churches all over the world. Not only young people but also their parents. Christians who have been pillars of the church for decades are now walking away. We have even lost elders in the process. And of those who stay, how many are eager to bring their friends? 

Now is the time to say something, to call out toxic behavior, and show courage! There is no “kumbaya” here. I totally believe that the majority of Christians and leaders do not subscribe to harmful practices, but if we do not say anything, we are complicit. We condone by our silence. We can speak up respectfully and in love, but remaining quiet while the evidence is overwhelming, is no longer an option. 

If you are someone of influence, a leader with a position of authority, someone respected, or with a large following, this is a time of reckoning. “You will never do anything in this world without courage. It is the greatest quality of the mind next to honor.” (Aristotle) And even if you are not someone with a large following. Every voice counts.